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8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage


“…And they lived happily ever after.” You’re smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.

In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick — and you’re the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I’ve been there. Let’s face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain’t always pretty. That may sound grim. But here’s a secret:

Sometimes it’s the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever? When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy — your soul mate — you’ll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn’t make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, This is so not what I signed up for. Actually, it is. You just didn’t realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other’s faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that “for better and for worse” doesn’t kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That’s when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It’s not him. It’s just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You’re learning that marriage isn’t a destination; it’s a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium. Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that’s better than any fairy tale.

2. You’ll work harder than you ever imagined. Early on, when people say, “Marriage takes work,” you assume “work” means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naiveté, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence. If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths — and from where he sits, you’re pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn’t mean you’re done — it just means you’ve advanced to graduate-level studies. That’s because every time you think you’ve mastered the material, he’ll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process. “It’s like losing weight,” says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. “You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it’s a lifestyle. That’s marriage. The effort is a forever thing.” So don’t be too hard on yourself — or him — on those days when you feel like you’re struggling through remedial math.

3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder). Whoever decided to tell newlyweds “Never go to bed angry” doesn’t know what it’s like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I’ve got three words for you: Sleep on it. You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I’ve found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you’re angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you’re both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up. Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. “This was a huge lesson for me,” says Andrea. “As women we’ve been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I’d let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself — let the emotions settle a bit — and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day.”

4. You will go without sex — sometimes for a long time — and that’s okay. There are few men in the Western world sexier than my husband. And I don’t say this because I know he may read this article. I’ve seen women checking him out when they think I’m not looking. (Honestly, ladies, you don’t have to sneak a peek. I don’t mind if you stare.) That said, there are times that I just don’t feel like having sex — often for reasons that have nothing to do with Genoveso. (See? Even his name is sexy.) I can’t lie and say this is always okay with him. But the fact is, there are also plenty of nights when he’s not in the mood. So maybe a few days go by when we don’t do it. And then a few more. And…. Sexless periods are a natural part of married life. A dry spell isn’t a sign that you’ve lost your mojo or that you’ll never have sex again. It just means that maybe this week, sleep is more important than sex. (I don’t know about you, but between work, 3 a.m. feedings, the PTA, soccer, T-ball, and everything else, I sometimes crave sleep the way a pimply, hormonal adolescent longs to cop a feel.) And don’t kid yourself; no one in America is doing it as often as popular culture would have you believe. Instead of worrying about how much you think you “should” be having sex, keep the focus on figuring out your own rhythm. “I used to think, What’s happened to us? We always used to be in the mood,” says 35-year-old Kim Henderson of Oakland, CA, who’s been married for five years. “Now I know better. Life happens. My husband just started a new job. He has a long commute, and we have two small children. I think we’re good.” The key is to make sure that even if you’re not doing “it,” you’re still doing something-touching, kissing, hugging. Personally, my heart gets warm and mushy when my husband rubs my feet after a long, tiring day. He may not be anywhere near my G-spot, but that little bit of touch and attention keeps us connected even when we’re not having spine-tingling sex.

5. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together. I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It’s really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It’s just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more “right” I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he’s right most of the time (go figure!). So we’d lock horns — often. That is, until I learned a few things. Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong — there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband’s. “I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage,” says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. “Now I see that I’m not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There’s more gray in life than I thought, and that’s taught me patience and the value of compromise.” The more I get to know and appreciate my husband for who he is, the more I respect his positions. That doesn’t mean I always agree with him. But I can see the value in striking a balance that satisfies us both. And instead of harping on how wrong he is, I can usually swallow the verbal vitriol and simply say something like, “I see your point” or “I hadn’t considered that.” After I sincerely acknowledge his view, it seems to become easier for him to hear mine. And because I know I’m being heard, most of the time now, I don’t even want to prove how right I am anymore. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

6. A great marriage doesn’t mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right. Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it’s also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don’t just raise your voices; you raise real — sometimes buried — issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn’t give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won’t break us; they’ll only make us stronger.

7. You’ll realize that you can only change yourself. Ever seen the ’80s sci-fi cult classic Making Mr. Right? When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich’s android character into her personal version of the ideal man — sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen. There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us — something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we’re doing the right thing. Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man — stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies — is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you’re lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him. Here’s a perfect case in point: “I used to go off on my husband because he didn’t empty the sink trap when he cleaned the kitchen,” says Kimberly Seals Allers, 36, of Bay Shore, NY. “It got me nowhere; my rants only made him resentful. Now I come home and when the kitchen looks clean, I’m like, ‘Cool, now all I have to do is empty the sink trap.'”

8. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you’re really made of. I’ve got issues. Trust issues. Control issues. And others, I’m sure, that I’ve yet to fully discover. I guess I’ve always known I wasn’t perfect. But in more than a decade of marriage, I’ve been smacked upside the head with the cold, hard evidence. There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, “I’ll call you at 8.” Then, just to try to trip me up, he’d call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn’t figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me — really and truly — this stuff wouldn’t happen. I’d like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I’ve come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I’ve had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage. I still struggle as a work in progress. But I am completely clear in the knowledge that many of the deepest frustrations in your relationship are an opportunity for you to confront yourself. That can be difficult to accept — after all, it’s so much more comforting to keep a running tab of your hubby’s deficits and tell yourself that his failings are the only thing standing between you and a better marriage. But if you let it, this bumpy journey toward self-awareness can be one of the more fulfilling rewards of a committed, long-term relationship — you’ll learn to love your quirks and be compassionate toward yourself, just as you’re learning to do with him. That’s the strange beauty of marriage: It’s full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together — and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.

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June 6, 2009 Posted by | Life, Life Style, Tips | Leave a comment

Are You A Real Man?


  1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth.

You decide to:

    1. Present it to the President of the United States.
    2. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
    3. Take it apart.
  1. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
  2. When is it okay to kiss another male?
  3. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
  4. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She’s attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two jof you are taking it easy. You’re watching a football game; she’s reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she’s not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
  5. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
  6. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
  7. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
  8. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
    1. Innocence
    2. Idealism
    3. Cherry bombs
    1. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
    2. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
    3. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.
    1. A cat.
    2. A dog.
    3. A dog that eats cats.
    1. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don’t want to rush it.
    2. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not honestly say that you’ll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don’t want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
    3. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a drawplay on third and seventeen.
    1. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
    2. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
    3. Tell her what?
    1. “Do they need to eat or anything?”
    2. “They’re in school already?”
    3. “There are three of them?”
    1. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you’re not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
    2. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
    3. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife is quietly trying to discard his underwear (which she is frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her).
    1. He was being tested.
    2. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
    3. He refused to ask for directions.

10.  What is the human race’s single greatest achievement?

    1. Democracy.
    2. Religion.
    3. Remote control.

Note: All “real men” answer “C” to all of these questions. Knowing this, women will have come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives if they carefully review the “C” answers.

June 6, 2009 Posted by | Life, Life Style | Leave a comment

Men explained


Why are men such jerks?

It’s a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average lifespan of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it’s not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We’re just misunderstood.

Why do men always have to ogle at other women?

Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I’m fairly certain it’s some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.

Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?

We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It’s much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.

Why do men always say such stupid things?

We like to. It’s actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.

Why can’t men just share their feelings?

Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we’re experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.

Why can’t men cuddle more (i.e. lie down and hug)?

Please, how many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the heck (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men… Men hunters… Need go roam… Starve in cave… Must go find wildebeest… Now sitting on our asses for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.

How can men sit on their asses all day without moving?

Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The figgidy types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers etcetera. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.

Why can’t men just say “I love you?”

Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It’s not easy to admit to one’s own character faults.

Why do men say “I love you” when they hardly know me?

Ho, Ho, Ho… Aren’t you special? Well, some men think it’s a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.

What does it mean when men say “I Love You?”

  1. Please sleep with me.
  2. I’m sorry for whatever it is that I did.
  3. I forgot to get you a gift; this will have to do.
  4. Huh? I’m sorry; I wasn’t listening.
  5. What did I forget? This should buy me a little time.
  6. Stop nagging me.
  7. What do I have to do to get a beer around here?

Why won’t men ever pick up after themselves?

Why should we? It doesn’t really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you’ll pick it up.

What’s with all the belching and farting?

This usually only occurs after months of courting. It’s our way to let you know that we’re comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it’s actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.

Why can’t men ever leave the toilet seat down?

Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of the toilet seat is up. Mathematically speaking, the proper position of the toilet seat is a function of the time spent peeing over the time spent sitting. The closer that ratio approaches one, the truer the proposition. Besides, it’s actually a courtesy that we lift the seat. Why would we care if we pee all over the seat. You’re the ones that have to sit on it. You should appreciate the fact that we actually lift the darn thing. We aim to please.

Why do men find blonde bimbos attractive?

Are you kidding? Even leaving the physical aside, blonde bimbos are generally much easier to get along (alone) with. They like having fun and doing exciting things. They don’t walk around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. They don’t ever give us a hard time for being a dumb male; and plus they laugh at most of our jokes (even the ones they don’t get). What more could any of us males ask for?

Why do men fear commitment?

Don’t be so surprised. Yes; most of us do know what ‘commitment’ means and can spell it correctly. It’s like an automobile. No matter how good you think this year’s model is, they’re always coming out with newer, faster, better, sleeker, and sexier models. We simply cannot be expected to purchase the first one we see. We must browse around a bit and test drive a few. Who wants to end up with a lemon? At least with a car, there’s a slight chance of it eventually becoming a classic. It simply makes much more sense to lease and upgrade to the younger… err… I mean newer models every couple of years. Some of them come with fun extras like dual air bags.

What does it mean when men say, “I’m just not ready for a relationship right now” or “I don’t want a girl friend?”

It means that we like you enough to sleep with you, but not enough so that we want to see you repeatedly.

What does it mean when men say, “Can we just be friends?”

Generally, it means that the recipient of said comment is physically repulsive enough that no beer goggles may be thick enough to provide adequate protection.

Do all men really masturbate?

Yes. It is genetically inherited behavior. It’s been passed on from our most primal forefathers, and it’ll be passed on to our sons.

Why do men generally have greater upper body strength?

Several factors are at work, namely evolution, heredity, nutrition, and environment. (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)

Why do men generally have better hand-eye or spatial coordinate motor coordination?

It is like with all things. Practice, practice, practice. (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)

Why are men so obsessed with beautiful women?

As opposed to what? Really ugly women? Face it, if men were obsessed with ugly women, there would be just as much bitching about why men are so obsessed with ugly women. No matter how you set this up, some people are always going to be left out. I don’t see anyone screaming about equal treatment for the stupid people either.

Why do men like younger women?

Well, let’s see. Besides the fact that they like older men, they’re easily impressed. They’re also perky, energetic, and come with very little baggage. And gravity has less prevail over their bodies.

Why do men only have one thing on their minds?

While technically correct, this statement is not strictly true. We may only be able to entertain one idea at a time, but we do think of lots of other things besides sex, such as sports and beer. We also get hungry quite often.

How can men possibly find that other woman attractive (i.e. whatever do you see in that fat pig)?

Even if you happen to be Cindy Crawford, once we get the idea that you are ours, other women suddenly become much more attractive and you lose a few attractiveness points. I’m a bit puzzled by this one myself. I think evolution is to blame. We men are just innocent bystanders in the war of the selfish genes. You should love us despite our inherent weakness.

Why are men such dogs?

I resent that. Dogs are faithful, loyal, affectionate and obedient.

June 6, 2009 Posted by | Life, Life Style | Leave a comment

5 Questions That Women Should Never Ask


There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy, according to an article in last April’s issue of Sassy magazine.

The five questions are:

  1. “What are you thinking?”
  2. “Do you love me?”
  3. “Do I look fat?”
  4. “Do you think she is prettier than me?”
  5. “What would you do if I died?”

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly.
For example:

1. “What are you thinking?”

The proper answer to this question, of course is, “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you.” Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:

  1. Baseball
  2. Football
  3. How fat you are
  4. How much prettier she is than you
  5. How he would spend the insurance money if you died

According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. “If I wanted you to know,” Al said, “I’d be talking instead of thinking.”

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2. “Do you love me?”

The correct answer to this question is, “Yes.” For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, “Yes, dear.” Wrong answers include:

  1. I suppose so.
  2. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
  3. That depends on what you mean by “love”.
  4. Does it matter?
  5. Who, me?

3. “Do I look fat?”

The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, “No, of course not” and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:

  1. I wouldn’t call you fat, but I wouldn’t call you thin either.
  2. Compared to what?
  3. A little extra weight looks good on you.
  4. I’ve seen fatter.
  5. Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

4. “Do you think she’s prettier than me?”

The “she” in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, “No, you are much prettier.” Wrong answers include:

  1. Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
  2. I don’t know how one goes about rating such things.
  3. Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
  4. Only in the sense that she’s younger and thinner.
  5. Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5. “What would you do if I died?”

Correct answer: “Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino’s Pizza truck that came my way.” This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid exchange:

“Dear,” said the wife. “What would you do if I died?”

“Why, dear, I would be extremely upset,” said the husband. “Why do you ask such a question?”

“Would you remarry?” persevered the wife.

“No, of course not, dear” said the husband.

“Don’t you like being married?” said the wife.

“Of course I do, dear” he said.

“Then why wouldn’t you remarry?”

“Alright,” said the husband, “I’d remarry.”

“You would?” said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.

“Yes” said the husband.

“Would you sleep with her in our bed?” said the wife after a long pause.

“Well yes, I suppose I would.” replied the husband.

“I see,” said the wife indignantly. “And would you let her wear my old clothes?

“I suppose, if she wanted to” said the husband.

“Really,” said the wife icily. “And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?”

“Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do.”

“Is that so?” said the wife, leaping to her feet. “And I suppose you’d let her play with my golf clubs, too.”

“Of course not, dear,” said the husband. “She’s left-handed…”

June 6, 2009 Posted by | Life, Life Style | Leave a comment

5 Hot tips every women must try!


The women world is actually tough! We may have applied numerous beauty tips to look beautiful, spent thousands of rupees to buy those expensive beauty products; also joined yoga or salsa classes to maintain our figure. But have we been able to live up to our expectations? No! If you really are in a need of better piece of advice, try these things out! It gives you 100% guaranteed results!(Warning: The results may be extremely positive!)
For the curves to die for:
How about a little social service? Share your piece of bread to the hungry little boy; he probably is in better need of the food than you!
For sexy, shimmering looks:
Observe & inspire yourself with all the good things in the world. Eyes reflect a woman’s soul. Let the world recognize this woman’s enforcing passion.
For a good posture:
Never walk alone. Here, I don’t mean your tall, handsome, masculine boyfriend with a loaded wallet; walk with all you have within, your knowledge and intrinsic gifted qualities.
For that divalicious’ outfits:
Open up our wardrobe and offer some of your lengthy outdated outfits to the young girl that’s helping in your house; despite child labor being illegal in Nepal! Coz’ girls….the latest fashion trend that’s in hot parties in Nepal (although it’s winter!), is to show your skin!
For a beautiful “you”:
A woman’s beauty is not just about the curves, style, facial mode or sex appeal; the beauty lies in all of us. So, let’s reveal the beautiful “us” inside. Let’s celebrate womanhood!

June 6, 2009 Posted by | Life, Life Style, Sex, Sex Life | Leave a comment

8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage


“…And they lived happily ever after.” You’re smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.

In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick — and you’re the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I’ve been there.

Let’s face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain’t always pretty.

That may sound grim. But here’s a secret: Sometimes it’s the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?

When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy — your soul mate — you’ll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn’t make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, This is so not what I signed up for.

Actually, it is. You just didn’t realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other’s faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that “for better and for worse” doesn’t kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills.

That’s when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It’s not him. It’s just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You’re learning that marriage isn’t a destination; it’s a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.

Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that’s better than any fairy tale.

2. You’ll work harder than you ever imagined.

Early on, when people say, “Marriage takes work,” you assume “work” means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naiveté, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.

If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths — and from where he sits, you’re pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn’t mean you’re done — it just means you’ve advanced to graduate-level studies. That’s because every time you think you’ve mastered the material, he’ll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.

“It’s like losing weight,” says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. “You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it’s a lifestyle. That’s marriage. The effort is a forever thing.” So don’t be too hard on yourself — or him — on those days when you feel like you’re struggling through remedial math.

3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).

Whoever decided to tell newlyweds “Never go to bed angry” doesn’t know what it’s like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I’ve got three words for you: Sleep on it.

You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I’ve found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you’re angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you’re both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.

Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. “This was a huge lesson for me,” says Andrea. “As women we’ve been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I’d let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself — let the emotions settle a bit — and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day.”

4. You will go without sex — sometimes for a long time — and that’s okay.

There are few men in the Western world sexier than my husband. And I don’t say this because I know he may read this article. I’ve seen women checking him out when they think I’m not looking. (Honestly, ladies, you don’t have to sneak a peek. I don’t mind if you stare.) That said, there are times that I just don’t feel like having sex — often for reasons that have nothing to do with Genoveso. (See? Even his name is sexy.) I can’t lie and say this is always okay with him. But the fact is, there are also plenty of nights when he’s not in the mood. So maybe a few days go by when we don’t do it. And then a few more. And….

Sexless periods are a natural part of married life. A dry spell isn’t a sign that you’ve lost your mojo or that you’ll never have sex again. It just means that maybe this week, sleep is more important than sex. (I don’t know about you, but between work, 3 a.m. feedings, the PTA, soccer, T-ball, and everything else, I sometimes crave sleep the way a pimply, hormonal adolescent longs to cop a feel.)

And don’t kid yourself; no one in America is doing it as often as popular culture would have you believe. Instead of worrying about how much you think you “should” be having sex, keep the focus on figuring out your own rhythm. “I used to think, What’s happened to us? We always used to be in the mood,” says 35-year-old Kim Henderson of Oakland, CA, who’s been married for five years. “Now I know better. Life happens. My husband just started a new job. He has a long commute, and we have two small children. I think we’re good.”

The key is to make sure that even if you’re not doing “it,” you’re still doing something-touching, kissing, hugging. Personally, my heart gets warm and mushy when my husband rubs my feet after a long, tiring day. He may not be anywhere near my G-spot, but that little bit of touch and attention keeps us connected even when we’re not having spine-tingling sex.

5. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.

I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It’s really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It’s just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more “right” I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he’s right most of the time (go figure!). So we’d lock horns — often. That is, until I learned a few things.

Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong — there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband’s. “I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage,” says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. “Now I see that I’m not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There’s more gray in life than I thought, and that’s taught me patience and the value of compromise.”

The more I get to know and appreciate my husband for who he is, the more I respect his positions. That doesn’t mean I always agree with him. But I can see the value in striking a balance that satisfies us both. And instead of harping on how wrong he is, I can usually swallow the verbal vitriol and simply say something like, “I see your point” or “I hadn’t considered that.” After I sincerely acknowledge his view, it seems to become easier for him to hear mine. And because I know I’m being heard, most of the time now, I don’t even want to prove how right I am anymore. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

6. A great marriage doesn’t mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.

Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it’s also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don’t just raise your voices; you raise real — sometimes buried — issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn’t give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won’t break us; they’ll only make us stronger.

7. You’ll realize that you can only change yourself.

Ever seen the ’80s sci-fi cult classic Making Mr. Right? When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich’s android character into her personal version of the ideal man — sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.

There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us — something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we’re doing the right thing.

Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man — stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies — is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you’re lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.

Here’s a perfect case in point: “I used to go off on my husband because he didn’t empty the sink trap when he cleaned the kitchen,” says Kimberly Seals Allers, 36, of Bay Shore, NY. “It got me nowhere; my rants only made him resentful. Now I come home and when the kitchen looks clean, I’m like, ‘Cool, now all I have to do is empty the sink trap.'”

8. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you’re really made of.

I’ve got issues. Trust issues. Control issues. And others, I’m sure, that I’ve yet to fully discover. I guess I’ve always known I wasn’t perfect. But in more than a decade of marriage, I’ve been smacked upside the head with the cold, hard evidence.

There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, “I’ll call you at 8.” Then, just to try to trip me up, he’d call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn’t figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me — really and truly — this stuff wouldn’t happen.

I’d like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I’ve come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I’ve had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.

I still struggle as a work in progress. But I am completely clear in the knowledge that many of the deepest frustrations in your relationship are an opportunity for you to confront yourself. That can be difficult to accept — after all, it’s so much more comforting to keep a running tab of your hubby’s deficits and tell yourself that his failings are the only thing standing between you and a better marriage. But if you let it, this bumpy journey toward self-awareness can be one of the more fulfilling rewards of a committed, long-term relationship — you’ll learn to love your quirks and be compassionate toward yourself, just as you’re learning to do with him.

That’s the strange beauty of marriage: It’s full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together — and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.

June 1, 2009 Posted by | Good Life, Life, Life Style | Leave a comment

कुन विवाह सफल ?


के विवाह गर्नैपर्छ – विवाह नगरी खुशी रहन सकिँदैन र – सकिँंदैन भन्ने हो भने विवाह नै नगरेका कतिपय महिला तथा पुरुषहरू दुःखी रहेका ज‚ता लाग्दैनन् । पहाड ज‚तो भनिने जीवन एक्लै नै बाँचिरहने थुप्रै व्यक्तिहरू तपाईँ हाम्रो वरिपरि नै भेटिन्छन् । धेरै मानिसहरू ‘विवाह’ को बोर्ड पछाडि दुःखी भेटिन पनि सक्छन् । त्यसैले होला, विवाहलाई त्यो फल भनिएको छ, जुन खाएर पनि मानिसहरू पछुताएकै छन् र नखाएर पनि पछुताएकै छन् । पहिले पहिले मानिसहरू परम्परागत रूपले मागी विवाह बढी गर्थे । परिवारले छानेको, आफ्नो कुल मर्यादा अनुसारका केटा र केटीबीच विवाह हुन्थ्यो । विवाहभन्दा अघि घुम्न जाने त परै जाओस्, एक अर्कालाई राम्रोसँग देखेका पनि हुँदैन थिए ।

बदलिँदो समयसँगै शिक्षा, परिवर्तित सोचाइ र खुलापनले गर्दा हाम्रो समाजमा हिजोआज प्रेम विवाह गर्ने चलनमा पनि उल्लेख्य वृद्धि भएको छ । सोध्दा पनि मानिसहरू प्रेम विवाहकै पक्षमा बढी वकालत गर्छन् । प्रेम विवाह गर्दा विवाह अघि नै एक अर्कालाई राम्रोसँग बुभ्mन सकिने, आनीबानी थाहा हुने भएकोले जीवन साथीसँग व्यवहार गर्न सजिलो पर्छ । विरलै भए पनि हाल आई केही समलिङ्गी विवाह पनि प्रकाशमा आएका छन् । समान लिङ्गमा हुने य‚ता अप्राकृतिक विवाह कुन हदसम्म सफल हुन्छ भन्ने कुरा त हर्ेर्नै बाँकी छ तर भावनात्मक रूपले प्रेरित भई गरिएका य‚ता विवाह लामो समयसम्म पनि टिक्ला भन्ने कुरामा भने धेरैलाई शङ्का हुनसक्छ । सतही रूपमा हर्ेर्ने हो भने मागी विवाहको तुलनामा प्रेम विवाहमा केटा र केटी पर्ूव परिचित हुन्छन्, पर‚परमा माया र विश्वास बढी हुन्छ र यसले गर्दा य‚ता विवाह बढी सफल र टिकाउ हुन्छ भन्ने धारणा हुन्छ तर धेरै प्रेम विवाहका पनि दुःखद् अन्त्य भएका छन् ।

एक नेवार केटीले बाहुन केटासँग वर्षौँको प्रेमपछि विवाह गरेकी थिइन् । विवाहपछि दशौँ वर्षम्म पनि उनीहरूका कुनै सन्तान भएन । पछि आफ्नै घरमा डेरा गरी ब‚ने अर्कै एक बाहुनी केटीसंग केटाको सम्बन्ध ब‚यो । पहिली श्रीमतीसँग माया बसी गरेको विवाह पनि लामो समय टिक्न सकेन र त्यसको अन्त्य पारपाचुकेमा भयो । त्य‚तै अर्को एक जोडी पनि प्रेम विवाह गरी बीसौँ वर्षम्म सफल दम्पतिका रूपमा बसेका थिए । दर्ुइ छोरीहरू विवाह गर्ने उमेरका भइसकेका पनि थिए तर छोरीहरूलाई अन्माएर पठाउनुको सट्टा ती महिला आफ्नो घर परिवार छाडेर आफै आफ्नो व्यवसाय हर्ेर्ने परपुरुषसँग गइन् । प्रेम विवाह गरेर पनि पर्ूण्ा सन्तुष्ट नभएकाहरू ‘परम्परागत विवाह गरेको भए बरु पछिल्ला वर्षरूमा माया बढ्दै जान्थ्यो कि !’ भन्ने भ्रममा रहन्छन् ।

मेरी एउटी साथी सधैँ प्रेम विवाहको विपक्षमा कुरा गर्थिन् । परम्परागत रूपमा मागी विवाह गरेकी उनी हिजो आज भन्न थालेकी छिन्, “शायद माया गरेको व्यक्तिसँगै प्रेम गरेर विवाह गरेकी भए जीवन आज यत्ति निरस, सुख्खा र अतृप्त हुँदैनथ्यो होला ।” कुलीन घराना र सम्पन्न परिवार भएकोले एक परिचित महिलाको कम उमेरमै पारिवारिक विवाह गराइएको थियो । उनीहरू श्रीमान् श्रीमती दुवैले दुःखसुःख गरी जिन्दगीमा लामो यात्रा तय पनि गरे । उनीहरूका दर्ुइ छोराछोरी पनि भयो । आफ्नो व्यापार बढाउनका लागि श्रीमान् विदेश गए, एक विदेशी केटीसँग उनको सर्म्पर्क र सम्बन्ध बढ्यो । ‚व्ादेशमा परिवारसँग हुँदा विवाहोत्तर सम्बन्धको कुनै गाइँगुइँसम्म नचलेको उनै पुरुष बाहिर गएको केही समयमै विदेशीसँग सम्बन्ध मात्र रहेन, गर्भपतनै गराउनुपर्ने ‚थिति पनि आइपर्‍यो । अहिले उनकी श्रीमती श्रीमान् तह लगाउन विदेशमा श्रीमानसँगै बसेकी छिन् तर युवा छोराछोरी घरमा अभिभावकविहीन भइबसेका छन् । उनीहरूको विवाहलाई असफल भन्ने हो भने आफन्तका आँखामा उनी विदेशमा श्रीमान्सँग बसेकी छिन्, सफल भन्नलाई उनको मन सधैँ श्रीमान्प्रति शङ्कालु भइरहन्छ । विवाह एउटा सामाजिक सं‚कार हो र एउटा विश्वास पनि । दर्ुइ परिचित वा अपरिचित महिला तथा पुरुषले एक अर्कालाई आफ्ना हरेक सुखदुःखमा साझेदार बनाई सँगै जीवनयापन गर्न विवाह गर्दछन् । त्यसो त विवाह नै नगरी जोइपोइको रूपमा सँगै ब‚ने र सन्तान जन्मिसकेपछि मात्र दुवैले चाहेमा विवाह गर्ने विदेशी सं‚कृति पनि नभएको हैन । हामी हाम्रो सं‚कृतिभित्र विवाहलाई एउटा पवित्र र धार्मिक रीति मान्दछौँ । चाहे परम्परागत रूपमा गरिएको विवाह वा प्रेम विवाह नै किन नहोस्, त्यसको सफलता भन्नु त्यसको दिगोपना हो । ब्रिटनी ‚पेयरको ज‚तो ‘आज विवाह, भोलि पारपाचुके’ भयो भने विवाहको नाममा एउटा तमाशा मात्र हुन्छ, विवाहको नामप्रति विश्वास नभई वितृष्णा उत्पन्न हुन्छ ।

सफल विवाहका लागि लामो वैवाहिक जीवन मात्र पनि पर्याप्त हुँदैन । कतिपयले व्यक्तिगत र पारीवारिक कारणले पनि सामाजिक प्रतिष्ठाका लागि असन्तुष्ट विवाहलाई अनावश्यक रूपमा लम्ब्याइरहेका हुन्छन् । त्य‚तो अव‚थामा दुवैले जिन्दगी बाँचिरहेका हुँदैनन्, बाध्यतामा मात्र घिसारिरहेका हुन्छन् । समाजका कुनै कुनै प्रतिष्ठित परिवारहरूका घरमा भौतिक सुखसाधनको त कुनै कमी हुँदैन, कमी हुन्छ भने परिवारसँग खर्चिने समयको । श्रीमान् वा श्रीमती वा दुवै पद, प्रतिष्ठा र पैसाका पछाडि लागिपरेका हुन्छन् । समाजका आफ्ना विशिष्ट साथीभाइहरूका लागि तारे होटलका पार्टि प्रोग्रामका लागि उनीहरूसँग समय हुन्छ तर घरमा आफ्ना जीवनसाथीसँग केही समय बसेर सुखदुःखका कुरा गर्न र घरायसी सम‚याहरू सुन्न/सुनाउन फर्ुसद हँुदैन । फल‚वरूप य‚ता परिवारमा दम्पतिबीच फाटो आउँछ र धेरै जनाको नजानिँदोसँग बाहिर अरुसँग हेलमेल बढ्न जान्छ । आ-आफ्ना दोष र कमजोरी बुdmेर पनि उनीहरू अहम् र ग्लानीले गर्दा एक अर्कालाई न माफ गरिरहेका हुन्छन् न आफूलाई सच्याइरहेका हुन्छन् । श्रीमान् श्रीमती बनी एउटै खाटमा सुतेर पनि पर‚परमा अछूत ज‚तै व्यवहार गर्ने उनीहरूको विवाह मात्र एउटा औपचारिकता बनिरहेको हुन्छ ।

सफल विवाहका लागि मायाको ठूलो भूमिका हुन्छ भन्ने कुरामा विवाद नहोला । अपत्यारिलो लाग्छ तर कहिलेकाहीँ बढी माया पनि विवाह टुटाउने एउटा कारण हुँदोरहेछ । एक साथीकी टाढाकी एक आफन्त थिइन् । पारीवारिक ढङ्गले विवाह गरेकी उनलाई श्रीमान्ले अत्यन्तै माया गर्थे, आफ्नी श्रीमतीसँग हरेक कुरा सोधिरहन्थ्यो, बताइरहन्थ्यो, हर घडी श्रीमतीकै साथ रहन्थ्यो । आफ्नी श्रीमतीप्रतिको उनको अत्यधिक चाहना र माया आखिर उनको विवाहलाई धरासायी बनाउने कारक तत्व बन्न पुग्यो । श्रीमान्को सीमाभन्दा बढी मायालाई उनले आफ्नो ‚वतन्त्रताको हनन् ठानिन् । आफ्नो खुशीले केही गर्न र कहीँं जान नपाइने, हर बखत कैदी ज‚तो रहनर्ुपर्ने, कुनै कुराको पनि गोप्यता नरहने भनीे नि‚सासिएको अनुभव गर्दै ती महिलाले आफ्नो श्रीमान्सँग पारपाचुके मागी सबैलाई आर्श्चर्यचकित र ‚तब्ध पारेकी थिइन् । विवाहले केवल दर्ुइ शरीरलाई मात्र हैन, मनलाई पनि बाँध्न सक्नर्ुपर्छ । विवाहलाई टिकाउन एक अर्कालाई विश्वास, र्समर्पण र सम्मान गर्नुपर्छ भने शरीरका आवश्यकतालाई पनि बेवा‚ता गर्नु हुँदैन । शरीरका पनि आफ्नै भोक र माग हुन्छन् । य‚तो भोकको समाधान घरभित्रै भएन भने त्यसका लागि महिला वा पुरुषले बाहिर दृष्टि डुलाउन सक्छन् । आफूलाई नपुग भएको कुरा अरुमार्फ् प्राप्त गर्न खोज्दा वैवाहिक सम्बन्ध नै धरापमा पर्नसक्छ भन्ने कुराको चिन्ता उनीहरू गर्दैनन् । घरमा जवान छोराहरू भईकन पनि आफ्नी श्रीमती अधवैंसे र रसहीन भएको बहानामा कतिपय पुरुषहरू आफ्ना छोराको उमेरकी तरुनीसँग विभिन्न पिकनिक ‚पटहरूमा डुली रास रचाइरहेका हुन्छन् । विवाह उनीहरूको निम्ति उनीहरूका रसरंगलाई लुकाउने सामाजिक ढाल मात्र हुन्छ । विवाह एउटा साझा अनुभूति हो, श्रीमान् श्रीमतीको एक अर्काप्रतिको जिम्मेवारी, दायित्व, मायाप्रेम र भरोसाको । एक अर्कामाथिको भरोसा अनावश्यक शङ्का, विश्वासघात र ‚वार्थले गर्दा टुटेको दिन विवाहले आफ्नो गरिमा गुमाउँछ र त्यसपछि यो फगत एउटा नाटकमा सीमित रहन जान्छ । त्यसैले एक अर्कामाथि शङ्का गरिने ‚थिति आउन दिनुभन्दा पहिले नै त्य‚ता ‚थितिहरूबाट आफूलाई जोगाउनर्ुपर्छ ।

विवाह असफल हुनुमा एक अर्कालाई होच्याउने बानी, विभिन्न बहानामा ढाँट्ने, घरमा पर्याप्त समय नदिने र बरालिएर हिँड्ने ‚वभावहरू पनि प्रमुख कारण हुनसक्छन् । केटा वा केटीको अहम्ले गर्दा लिइने अनावश्यक अडानलाई पनि बिर्सनु हुँदैन । सफल विवाहका लागि ‘अहम्’ भन्ने कुरा ज्यादै घातक हुन्छ, यसलाई हावी हुन दिनुहुँदैन । अहम्कै कारणले कतिपय श्रीमान् श्रीमतीको बोलचालै बन्द भई जीवनका अन्तिम क्षणसम्म पनि एउटै घरमा अपरिचित ज‚तै बसेका उदाहरण पनि नभएका होइनन् । सुन्दरता र माया बाह्य आवरणमा हैन, मनभित्र वि‚वास र समdmदारीमा हुन्छ भन्न्ेा कुरा बुभ्mन सकिएमा जीवनसाथीप्रतिको आकर्षा घट्न पाउँदैन । आफ्नो जीवनसाथीको साथ, सामिप्य, र्‚पर्श, सहानुभूति र मायाको सम्बोधन हरेक दम्पतिको चाहना हुन्छ । एकले अर्काको भावनालाई बुझेर, सम्मान गरेर, दास्रोप्रति संवेदनशील हुन सक्नर्ुपर्छ । भएका गल्तीमा माफी माग्ने र दिने, हौसला र प्रेरणा दिने, आफ्नो जीवनसाथीको तुलना अरुसँग कहिल्यै नगर्ने, पर‚परको भावनामा चोट पुर्‍याउने काम कम्तीमा जीवनसाथीको अगाडि नगर्ने, नभन्ने र जतिसुकै व्य‚त भए पनि उनलाई सुन्ने समय निकालेर समर्पित रहेको अनुभूति गराउन सकियो भने दर्ुइबीचको मायामा कहिल्यै कमी आउँदैन । तन र मन सन्तुष्ट हुने विवाह नै सफल विवाह हैन र ?

May 29, 2009 Posted by | Life, Life Style | Leave a comment